The English Stove

Imagine, if you may, that you’re English citizen, sailing in your English yacht, somewhere inside Portugal’s territorial waters.

You and your yacht suddenly find yourselves not only in the middle of a huge storm, but, for whatever reasons, in an imminent sinking situation, leaving you no choice but to send out a distress call.

A somewhat uncomfortable scenario to be in, but it can’t get much simpler than that.

The choice of countries was done in a completely random manner. It was just required that they be physically apart so that no jurisdictional issues can add to any confusion.

Because there will be confusion, I guarantee you.

Now, once the scenario has been assimilated, let me ask you this question: who do you think will come to YOUR rescue?

Yes, you’re right. It is a trick question.

If you’ve answered that it would be the Portuguese Navy and the Portuguese Air Force, the adequate Portuguese entities responsible for ALL “Search & Rescue” in the Portuguese Territorial waters, then you’ve failed this test.

And I'm honestly considering to ask you to stop reading any further.

If, however, your answer was that it would be English Firemen, then, my friend, you got yourself full marks!

Yes, yacht, sea, storm, distress, in Portuguese Territorial waters, all added up, evidently result in… English Firemen.

Quite evident, once you sit down for a minute to think about it.

Logical, I would even say, unless, of course, you, illogically, tried to apply logic in your answer.

But, logically, you wouldn't be that illogical, now would you?

No, we know you wouldn't.

I’m seeing some confused rising of eyebrows, and some people have even gone back to reread, needlessly, the above written.

Illogical effort as anyone logical will remain clueless about what is completely evident. You see, those that have applied logic, have forgotten THE golden rule that is applicable on anything that has to do with the disappearance of Maddie McCann, so it’s completely illogical, here and anywhere where this issue is handled, to be logical unless you intentionally substitute any and all logic argumentation with, logically, an illogical one, but that is so logical that goes without saying although I’ve just said it.

Following me up to now?

If you even thought that English Firemen do NOT make any sense with yacht, sea, storm, distress and Portuguese Territorial waters, it’s YOUR fault for your lack of reasoning in trying to be reasonable.

That said, it’s quite clear that the distress call COULD easily be motivated from a possible fire in the yacht’s stove.

Notice that from now on, the “could” very quickly becomes a “would” and even faster turns into its final form of “was”, so the sentence above once read ONCE has from then on to be read as “it’s quite clear that the distress call WAS motivated from a fire in the yacht’s stove”.

This way we set aside, once and for all, such minor details as sea, storm and Portuguese Territorial waters.

We’ll keep the “distress” because it’s convenient, as without it, the English Firemen wouldn’t have a place in this story, and they must be present.

We’re left then with a fire on a stove.

Who better than a fireman to put out a fire?

But why not Portuguese Firemen, that are supposed to be much nearer?

Because this stove is not ANY stove, but an English stove. Designed with non-metric measures, and that alone demands, unquestionably, that it cannot be just a fireman, but it has to be an English one.

Furthermore, we also know that the both the Portuguese Navy and Air Force personnel, in their rare moments out of permanent drunkenness and incompetence, know absolutely nothing about English stoves.

Does anyone now question that you, in your yacht, would expect none other than English Firemen to come to your rescue, and that it’s absolutely ludicrous to think otherwise?

Logical, right?

I could not find a better analogy to explain the coming of CEOP agents to PdL on the days following Maddie’s disappearance.

A child went missing in a Portugal, a sovereign state, so what was the British CEOP there for?

Was Portugal in any way incapacitated to undertake, under its sovereign territory, the task of executing a police investigation of a missing child? Not that I remember.

If out of the various scenarios, the referred child had in fact been abducted, what was the British CEOP there for? Was Portugal in any way incapacitated to undertake, under its sovereign territory, the task of executing a police investigation of an abducted child? Not that I remember, once again.

If Portugal, requested, which I doubt very much, English “help” (which I believe to have been an imposition) what was CEOP there for? Is CEOP the best British police force, or the most adequate police, that the UK has to execute an investigation of a missing, or abducted child, even in the UK itself? To the best of my memory, there weren’t any computers involved in downloading naked pictures of Maddie nor was that minimally likely.

Then, why was the CEOP even present in PdL?

I can see ONLY one possible scenario for the CEOP to have moved in and in such a quick manner: they had information, resulting from ongoing investigations, that a clearly identified suspect, an internet paedophile, had been demonstrating an evident and an unusual interest in the child in question. Had been stalking Maddie, and CEOP was on to him.

Finally, you breathe, some logic.

Well, time has proven that that was not the case.

First they’ve been trigger-happy to produce photofits at every possible opportunity and there’s hasn’t been ONE for an internet stalker.

Nor has there been ONE word, all this time, about anyone stalking, on the internet, Maddie McCann.

Second, would be completely illogical for a 3 year old to be navigating on the net.

So, I ask again, why was the CEOP even present in PdL?

Any which way you look at it there’s simply NO REASON for the deployment of CEOP agents to PdL.

Maybe they were putting out a fire in an “English stove in an English yacht”.

While everybody is looking for a possible freezer in which Maddie’s cadaver was supposedly kept in, I say do look for an “English stove” instead.

And once you find THAT stove, then you’ll find a yacht around it, and around that yacht you’ll find a storm, one huge hurricane, the size of a Perfect Storm. And when you find THAT storm, well, THEN I advise you not to call the adequate authorities, but to call the FIREMEN, because there the temperature will be hot, insupportably hot.

So, maybe, just maybe, I might now say, there was a REASON for CEOP to be in PdL.

I hope that you know understand how Maddie turned from dead to "missing" and then to "abducted", almost as fast as the speed of light, without ever having left the apartment, for when she did leave it, she was in fact dead and trying to be "abducted", but never, ever, missing, only "missing". To this day.

You can’t beat the logic in that, can you? If you have any questions, please ask Mr. Gamble. But please be quick about it, as he's on his way out, quite soon, and very few will miss him.

Update: A comment from an Anon, that I could not let it pass unnoticed: "Text, you forgot to say, and I think it would make your post make even more sense, that there's nothing like a fireman to make it look like there was a fire where there was never one... so, if you wanted everyone to think that a fire was to blame, "who you gonna call"? FIREMEN! " Spot on!