Maddie, The Game

May 1st 10:00.

Now, I hear, she was abducted outside.

Looking for her parents.

So, Kate’s immediate reaction when entering the room and knowing she was abducted, scratch that, Jane Tanner fantasies, scratch that too, no wait, she could have turned into the corridor, gone out of the front door, and there and the Mediterranean monster would have pounced upon her, which makes perfect sense, her being carried, motionless, across the street. No let’s keep that clue.

The jammied window, and the respective Olympic effort of carrying a child out through it, away with it, Put in the new, very relevant, clue: Maddie, tiding up her bed and toy before adventuring outside to find her missing parents in the middle of the night. Normal 4-year old behavior. Completely logical.

Could have some doubts about this one, but if she had got fully dressed, put on some lipstick and shared a bottle of wine with the twins, I would certainly buy it.

 Like this, well, I’ll just have to take the word of the highly celebrated and known competent criminologist Mark Williams-Thomas, of the no lesser famous Williams, Thomas, Noddy & Associates World Famous Criminal Agency.

Ok, now pass the dice and let’s go on playing. Kate and Gerry, now, that’s cheating, mates. That was the 56th time that you picked the “Go Directly to Prison” card and ignored it.

You were only allowed to ignore it 55 times.

Oh I forgot, you guys call the rules as you go, sorry. Apologise, I forgot! No need for that smack David!

Oh, you’re entitled to hit whoever, wherever and whenever you desire? Didn’t know that rule either.

I don’t know if I want to play this “Shoot yourself on the foot” game anymore. Too many unknown rules. I mean, everybody knows she’s dead, so what’s the point? Oh, having no point is also a rule, is it? Didn’t know, sorry

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Updating at May 1st 15:00, after watching the absolutely brilliant Mark Williams-Thomas on Sky News: “There is no evidence that somebody broke into the apartment” 

Guys, new rule. No jammied window, definitely. No, the McCanns and friends haven’t been lying all this time, just playing by old rules.  

“Maddie left through the patio door, which, we know was unlocked” New rule again. You have to get by Gerry and Jeremy without being seen by either, or David will beat the brains out of your head.

Jane was able to do "the walk", and now we know that Maddie also did. So no excuse for not being able to do it. If you can go by your Daddy, walk all the way up the street in your pyjamas, jump into a strangers arms, be seen ONLY by a lunatic while he carries you, you win the game.

I especially loved the “Yes, there’s quite a lot of movement on that street, so anybody could have taken her….” Bang, there goes ¾ of a foot.

If you got only turd for a brain, you merit the chance to go to Sky News and be absolutely brilliant.

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Updating on May 2nd, 08:30, after seeing the footage on You Tube, of the also absolutely brilliant Clarence Mitchel, on the no lesser absolutely brilliant criminologist Mark Williams-Thomas, on Sky News: “Things haven’t happened that way; things were done in terms of shutters (being open) and doors (being closed behind her) that a child couldn’t simply have done it”

This is a fun game. Got to love it.

Back to old rules. No Maddie wandering about then.

If you were fooled by the criminologist Mark Williams-Thomas, you have to hand in your hotels at Hyde Park, pull your pants down and be spanked by the bully-on-the-premises, my good old friend David.

It’s natural for someone who has spent so much time looking at those files, so he says, that he could have missed these minor details.

I mean, both Portuguese and English Police have missed they are dealing with a couple that’s a fraud-scheeming-dead-child-body-concealers, so how can anybody blame this absolutely brilliant bloke?

Ok, but be careful. Only "The Mitchell" can use logic, if YOU use your brain, you’re asking for trouble.

David is watching you...

So, please put Maddie back in her bed, bring in the abductor, and only then, have the Mediterranean monster take Maddie out of it and while with her in his arms do all of the following:

- fix the sheets and lay out the cuddle-cat neatly next to the pillow,

- go past two sheetless cots (or did he take the sheets also?),

- bypass a chair and a bed, all this in the darkest of rooms,

- open the window in a horizontal motion,

- lift vertically the broken and stuck shutter, using not only the free-hand with, as is amazingly logic, a glove with Kate’s fingerprints on it,

- walk through a parking lot,

- wait, on cue, for the moment that Jane Tanner passes by, invisibly, Gerry and Jeremy,

- and then have go across the street.

That simple.

No, how many times have I told you that those “Directly to Prison” cards are just for appearances sake?

Everytime you draw one, you allowed to call any authority of your choice and laugh out loud. I tell you, the Leicestershire Constabulary love it!

No, don’t be ridiculous, yes, it would be ludicrous, but Clarence says it’s not, so it’s not.

Yes, turd for a brain remains a requirement to appear on Sky News.